Lean Not Unto Thine Own Understanding

I’ve got to admit, when I’m actively fighting, I feel great, invincible, but when I have to be patient is when I struggle. I thought I was pretty patient considering the circumstances, but I’ve realized that it is something I need to work on.

In church on Sunday one of the sacrament meeting talks was very clearly about this verse in the Bible:

Proverbs 3:5

5 ¶ Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

I felt it was for me in some way. I’ll admit, I was getting pretty anxious thinking about having to do an interview for the quality engineering position, but I knew it’s what God wanted me to do. I sort of knew since May. I thought it would be different, but applying for it made more sense in the context and I had a strong feeling it was what I needed to do. I was really relieved and sort of baffled as to why I needed to do that just to be immediately turned down.

If I wouldn’t have applied at home, in which they sent me to apply internally, I would never have found this:

While applying, I stumbled upon this list of all of my direct supervisors over the four years working here. My last supervisor who supposedly got fired, (that’s everyone’s narrative) is listed as “retired.” Which means that my dream which I had is probably a I stated. Revelatory. Why am I coming to this conclusion? Like I stated in a previous post:

The four major players in this are:

My spokesman: who quit

Mr. Connecticut: who transferred to Connecticut immediately after I notified my spokesman of my intention of going back to the ethics department.

Mr. S: who quit right before I was given the final conclusion of my investigation.

…and my supervisor who was “fired.”

With three levels of my direct management gone, who is left to retaliate against me, right? They can get me to quit by making me go to a therapist or they can fire me because how can I say that I’m being retaliated against if there’s nobody left to blame?

My supervisor was offered a very nice retirement package to get him to leave quietly, which means, as I already knew, that the corruption is on every level. They know I’m innocent but they’re still trying to get me to leave by any means possible.

Unfortunately for them I know how to read, more specifically, I know how to read the code of conduct. There’s nothing they can do. Stalemate. See, I could probably take action now, as it stands, but that’s not what I’m being prompted to do. I’m being prompted to have patience and wait.

See, the people who work for this company look down on what the production people do. I am in my element, I’ve loved it since my very first day on the job. I hate paperwork, useless meetings where you have to sound smarter than your coworkers, and kissing up to your superiors to stroke their egos. Sorry, I don’t have that in me. I know what it’s like to have people from corporate office give you directives, but they’ve rarely, if ever, had to do the actual work to see if what they’re implementing is actually impactful or not. It’s usually not.

The point is that now that I know it’s just a matter of being patient and waiting, I can do that peacefully and contentedly, even if they put me in packaging until I retire. I like being active. This also gives me a reason to be less defiant. I will try to comply with the no phone rule, sorry, music makes the day go by faster. I’ll try. I will also respect the allotted break and lunch times that I signed my name to today. I know I talk a lot of smack and I usually mean it, but I’ve changed my mind. My coworkers will never believe it. I’ll be a good example and do as I’m told. Believe it or not, when I’m treated respectfully I’m pretty easy to work with.

I feel at peace.

Thanks for reading.

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